Blowed up real good!

So, you might have read, or heard that Ottawa Senators owner (and unfortunately, owner of the Mississauga St. Michael's Majors hockey club) had some choice words for proponents of a Ottawa Senators rebuild. An article on his opinion can be found here (But don't read it yet). What I thought was particularly funny was one of his quotes:

"Anybody that says we should blow up this organization should get their own bomb and go blow themselves up, OK?"

Eugene's above quote reminded me of a sketch that use to run on SCTV, the Farm Film Report, where the Hosts (Candy and Flaherty) would ask their guests to get "Blow'd up Real Good!"

I think Eugene really misses SCTV, and wants to re-live those glory days by having his fan-base Blow them selves up Real Good!

Maybe it's just me, but telling your fans to blow yourselves up doesn't seem like a very wise PR choice. I also wonder why more people aren't spewing hate for him, as they are for Don Cherry, the CBC, and Mike Milbury. While Cherry and Milbury are under scrutiny for making up the word "Pansification", Eugene can tell people to blow themselves up, and remain unscrutinized.

I'm amazed at what seems to leave people unphased, while other things cause riots and hate.

On that note:

"May the Good Lord take a likin' to ya' and blow ya' up real soon!"

Mr. Lube.... You up before they throw sand in your ass

This weekend ushered in the first oil change of 2009. Hooray for Marcy Darcy (That's my car's name).

I pulled in to Meineke (home of the $20 oil change) half an hour after they opened on Saturday, only to find they were booked up for the entire day. I found this odd, as every time I've ever tried to book an oil change with them, they stated that this location's policy was to never take appointments. it's first come, first serve. Since I was at the store early on Saturday, I thought I'd challenge the clerk to see if he'd take me in right away or allow me to make an appointment for earlier in the day. Here's how the conversation ran:

Stephen - Hi, I'm here to get an oil change.
Clerk - Sorry, we're booked for the day
S - You guys just opened. How can you be booked? I was told that you can't book an appointment here
C - Yes
S - Ok, so can I get my car serviced today?
C - Sorry, we're booked up for the day. Come back later.
S - Can I make an appointment for some time?
C - No, sorry, we don't take appointments.
S - So, how can you be booked for the day, if you don't take appointments?
C - Maybe come back later
S - When should I come back? you guys don't take appointments.
C - Do you want something for the weekend or the week?
S - Are we making an appointment?
C - No, we don't make appointments
S - So, why does it matter if I tell you when I'm coming in next?
C - Maybe make an appointment for sometime in the week

I decided that talking to this guy was like the snake that ate its tail- We're just going to go in circles. I left and decided to head to Mr. Lube. Sure, it's a little more, but the quality of service would be better.

I arrived at Mr. Lube to get the business done on my car. I was quickly ushered in Just in time too, as as soon as I pulled in a line of 3 cars formed behind me and the next bay. While the Lubers were disposing of the old oil and replenishing the car, I was approached by "The Hard Sell Man. Clearly, this guys job wasn't to put oil in the car as his hands were clean. He approached me with my old cabin air filter in hand, and asked me if I'd like it replaced. Normally, I replace my own cabin air filter, as it costs $20 from the store, and takes 5 minutes to complete; recently however, I haven't been able to find my model air filter in stock at any automotive store. I Asked Mr. Hard sell how much a replacement filter would be. He responded by saying, it was really cheap, so I said it would be fine for him to replace the filter, but to let me know the price before proceeding. He then said that my transmission fluid was dirty, and needed to be flushed. I told him I wasn't interested, as I could get my mechanic to do this for me. He continued to tell me that my car is in danger of failing due to the amount of shavings in my automatic transmission, and that the fluid needs to be changed regularly. Right then, I knew this guy was just full of crap. My car is a manual transmission. I told him I wasn't interested in anymore of his services. After an additional 2 minute lecture on transmission care, he finally left, only to return with the price of my cabin air filter. Hard Sell presented me with my old cabin filter and the new filter, and stated that the replacement and installation would be $100. Now, unless the mechanics are going to take the lady in the van next to me and perform a sex act on my hood while replacing the filter, there's no way I'm paying $100 to replace a $20 part. I stopped he guy and told him I wasn't interested as I normally change this part myself. Again, after a 2 minute lecture on the dangers of pollen creeping into my car through the vent, he sadly walked away, not making a single sale to me that day.

Revenge from the Lube people was swift. The oil change price jumped form $35 to $45 plus disposal and extra oil fees. My oil change came to $52. Almost double what I normally get charged at Meineke, and only $5 less than Ford's oil change.

The Lube Gods had defeated me that day. They were upset at the exchange I had with the Meineke people and felt that a Barrage of Mr. Lube Services and charges would weaken my will. in another 5,000 Kms, I will make my return to Meineke and hope to be in the good graces of the Lube gods.

Alexander Semin should stick to bitch talk

So, if the NHL was the Justice League of America, and the Washington Capitals were the equivalent of Gotham, Alex Ovechkin would be Batman and Alexander Semin would be Robin. Semin would be the sidekick to a super Hero. Almost like the Mexican guy in employee of the month the the weird nostril-blond guy. What I'm trying to say is that Semin is a Sidekick.

That being said, Semin, as a sidekick shouldn't be calling out other SuperHeroes of the NHL. A couple of months ago, Semin decided to put down Crosby Article Here. Soon after Semin bich talked Sidney Crosby, Sid the Kid decided to do some trash talking of his own.... On the Scoreboard. Crosby went on a tear to eventually lead the league in Points (Crosby now sits in 3rd place, while Semin sits in 44th).

Now here's where the story get juicy. A few days ago, Sid decided he'd throw the fisticuffs and didn't look too bad if you ignore the fact that his opponent didn't even see it coming. Video evidence Here.

Semin, not wanting to be out done decided he'd thro some fisticuffs. Unfortunately, he forgot that he doesn't know how to fight and punches like a baby reaching for a baba. Video evidence here.

The moral of this story is that if you're a suck ass sidekick, you Better keep your mouth shut and do the joib you're paid to do. Anything above that will make you stink like an underwater fart bubble.

PS> Doesn't Alexander Semin sound like "I Like Sandier Semen?" Really, WHo likes Sandy Semen?

We're just Normal Aryans, trying to live a Culture-free Existence

So, I came across this Gem of a news article. It appears that a Loving family of New Jersey Nazis are just looking for a fair shake in life.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake

Who are these people, and why are they trying to play the Sympathy card here. So, the family was denied the services of Nazi cake decorating, and are looking for support. If it were me, I'd decoare their cake with some man-goo and fill it with a steaming pile of goat shit.

Happy Halloween from China! You may already be eating Malamine

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm a bit of a stickler for my health, but why aren't more people concerned with the fact that Malamine could have been added to any number of Chinese products. IT was recently found that Malamine was added to livestock feed to augment the appearance of protein in feed. Am I one of the few who believe this is a bigger deal than Tin Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7701477.stm

I'm not saying that we should ban all products coming in from China, but we really should put more stock in inspecting the items we do import from China. Over the past couple of years, we've uncovered tainted pet treats, lead based pain in toys, lead found in "lead-free" jewellery, malamine in our food, and now maline found in our food's food. All these issues have stemmed from one country. When Canada was found to have had a cow infected with mad cow disease, countless countries banned our meat.

As I said, I think banning all items from china would be a knee jerk reaction, but someone needs to step in to ensure that the products we're importing into canada follow the same safetly and health regulations we're accustom to here.

Other interesting reads:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/385187_toys28.html

http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/newsindex.php?id=368429

Wal Mart Might be doing something about it:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jP0C1Aoi0pUm3LIAfqDoB4Dpi8BwD93VJTQ00


When in trouble, start pointing fingers:
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2008/10/31/China_says_chemicals_in_Japanese_food/UPI-24411225431498/

In Malta

I thought I'd update my friends on my current exciting Adventure! I am off for a few weeks in Malta, then for a couple of days in Paris!

Flying is always a bit of a challenge for me, as I tend to suffer from motion sickness. To treat my motion sickness, I take 2 Gravol tablets. Unfortunately, Gravol tends to knock me out. Mix that with the adjusted cabin pressure and I'm out like a light. Even when I take the non-drowsy version, I still go lights-out for the next few hours. Any attempt at staying awake only causes me to go into a deep trance-like sleep early on in the evening.

My Saturday flight was no different from the rest. I took my Gravol pills an hour before my flight as I usually do, and got ready to board the plane. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the clerk at the check-in counter gave me a window seat in the exit aisle. The extra leg room afforded for passengers in the exit aisle is a special treat for me. The Gravol tends to give me the jimmy legs, and I frequently deboard the train with bruised shins, caused by mt spastic leg movements as I sleep. Another pleasant surprise was the nice french couple sitting beside me. They reminded me of skinny versions of Danny DeVito and Reah Pearlman, if only Reah Pearlman had a horrible bout of halitosis. Aside from the issue that Reah would frequently talk in my direction, spewing halitosis gas in my vicinity and in turn waking me from my flight slumber, it wasn't too bad. Although this flight to Europe was longer than I was use to, it wasn't too bad. I was probably awake for a total of 2.5 hours. 1.5 hours to watch Indiana Jones, 0.5 hours to eat my meal, and 10 x 3 minute mini wake ups due to the yellow fog emanating from my row-mate.

From that point on, the transit between France and Malta was uneventful, which from a guy who frequently profiled when travelling, is quite pleasant. In past travelling adventures, I've been asked to strip to my underwear, asked to go through the explosives detection machine twice in one security check, had my car taken apart twice and have been pulled aside by security and searched while waiting for my plane to arrive in the post-security section of an airport. All in all, having an uneventful transit to Malta is good news for me.

Today, I'm going to head down to the beach and relax

Schools aren't held accountable

You may have read, or watched on the news that a London boy was punched in the head by another student. As recounted by the victim's parents, the School didn't take the head-injury seriously. The battered student was asked to sit for 30 minutes before being examined by the principle. Even as the child asked to go hom, he was made to sit and wait for the principal.

Story here: London Free Press

It turned out that the victim had a fractured skull and brain damage as a result of the incident.

This issue resonates with me, as I too had a head-trauma issue when I was in elementary school, and neither the teacher nor the principal took my issue seriously enough to call an ambulance.

My story begins with a 6 year old Stephen walking across the monkey bars in the school playground. I thought it would be fun if I were to climb up top of the monkey bars and walk across them instead of hanging from them like a normal monkey child. As the recess bell rang, I started my decent from the bars, in anticipation of the post-recess class room line-up and head-count. Unfortunately, I was jarred on my way down the monkey bars, striking my forehead on one bar and the rear of my head on the other. As I fell to the ground, unconscious. I don't know how long I was outside, but I do recall a couple of classmates, lifting me up to carry me to class. Upon my arrival, my Grade 1 teacher promptly yelled at me for missing the recess bell. I was made to sit on the carpet away from my friends. My teacher, Ms. Divincenzo didn't bother to ask me where I was after the recess bell. She just assumed that I was tardy because I as playing. The funny thing is that my class at the time had a direct window to the playground. Had she looked out the window, she would have seen my laying in the sand. Instead, she yelled at me an assumed that I was just being a bad kid. As I sat on the carpet, and made to feel guilty for injuring myself, I began to experience some discomfort, that soon resulted in projectile vomit being spewed on to the Brown, Yellow and Orange shag carpet. From that point on, I don't remembe much. I only recall my parents being arriving at the school office and my father yelling at Mr.Brian, the principal at the time. My father was quite upset. He must have travelled from Downtown toronto Station A (Now the Air Canda Centre) to come collect me, a drivethat would normally take at least 30 minutes.

Luckily, in the end, I was merely concussed and without serious harm. My issue with all this is that any issue that involves a developing child's brain sholuld be take extremely seriously. The longer you wait, the more damadge could be done. My story could have turned out worse. If I had severe brain traume, and were to wait over 30 minutes before being taken to the hospital, the end result could have been far more grim.

My ask is that people responsible for our children should take these typs of injuries far more seriously.

Under Armour - The official clothing of Vigilante Drug Ninjas Everywhere!

If you haven't heard, a couple of NJ Ninjas were arrested last night.

Story Here: http://www.northjersey.com/news/Cops_nab_Ninga_vigilantes_.html

If you notice in the photo, both Ninjas are wearing Black, Skin-tight Shirts. One Vigilante -Super Hero Ninja was wearing an Under Armour crested shirt, while the other is obviously wearing an Under Armour jock, as that could be the only reason for the expression on his face.

If I were ever asked to define the word BADASS, I believe all I'd have to do is pull the photo of these two ninjas out and say "BADASS enough for ya, Chuck Norris?"

The thing that amuses me the most is that they dropped a letter off to the guy's Ex-Girlfriend. Really, these guys seemed as hardcore as a roll of toilet paper. The first letter they drop off is a hate letter with a request to stop taking drugs mixed in. ''

I once dropped off a letter to an Ex Girlfriend, it read "Hey, I thought we were going to Bone tonight. You Suck. Have a good life with the Balding Guy. --Ninja Steve"

Honk if you're Horny!

Yeah, so Every couple of years, those of us in Streetsville are serenaded by the sounds of import car horns. Oh, the beautiful sounds of high-toned horns honking endlessly through the streets is like music to my ears. The two nations that show the most horn honking aptitude are Portugal and Croatia.

I would like to take some time to thank said decedents for keeping me abreast of the Euro Cup tournament results. Normally, I wouldn't follow the Euro Cup, but my Croatian and Portuguese friends keep me abreast of their wins through honking parades and public drunkenness.

The Police on the other hand are ding an exceptional job in handling the noise pollution. Throughout the night, as the fanfare continues, and the horn honking cuts through the silence, the Police quell the honking by blaring their siren over top of the honking. If you can't imagine the audio battle between horns and sirens, I don't wish that upon you. If the Police were at all concerned, they'd give out tickets. I can see them giving out warnings until midnight, but as soon as the Horns go past 3:00am, the tickets should be out. Hell, I've been given a ticket for parking in a no-parking zone one minute after the pre-determined parking times. If I was honking my horn 4 hours after the pre-designated quiet time, I'd be surprised if I didn't get a ticket.

Tonight, the battle of the Horns continues. Croatia won a Game that brings them to the Quarter finals, while the Portugese fans are honking to assert their Honk Dominance.

I can only wish that both countries are bumped out of the tournament sooner than later. I'm sure the fans won't smarten up and realize that hinking in a residental zone isn't a cool thing to do.

R Kelly is a Free Pedophile

So, you May or May have not heard that R. Kelly has gotten off on his most recent Pedophilia charges.

If You didn't Know, Her's the Rundown. He was videotaped with a 13 year old girl. When caught his defense changed from "It Wasn't Me" to "I was me, but she was of age" to "It Wasn't me, it was my brother" finally to "It wasn't me, it was an elaborate set-up with a Look alike, body double (including mole on my back), an exact duplicate of my room, and someone had to have hidden the tapes in my house"

Unfortunately, the parents of the minor dropped the charges and settled out of court before the hearing was judged in court.

Recently, R. Kelly was brought up on even more exploitation of a youth charges. To bring you up to speed. R. Kelly Married Aaliyah when she was 15, only after dating her for a few years. A few years ago Aaliyah perished in an airplane accident. More recently, R. Kelly was brought up on charges. The evidence against him was : Photographs, Multiple video tapes and victim testimony.

Across a few weeks, the district attorney sweet talked the jury with evidence, factual photographs and victim testimony. The defense opted to take the high road and disputed the evidence by stating the possibility that all the evidence was tampered with and was fabricated. The District Attorney's office submitted victim testimonials and proved out that R. Kelly brought photos/video footage with him in a knapsack to various parties to show off his exploits. Although the DA managed to produce Multiple victim and witness testimonies, the Jury wasn't convinced.

The Jury felt that although the victims were probably underage, there was no way of proving out the dates of the films/photographs. Seeing as how witnesses testified to the dates of the videos, the Jury overlooked that evidenced and felt that R. Kelly should be a free man.

Now, I'm pretty repulsed by this. Who in their right mind would let R. Kelly free? Maybe they needed more concrete evidence? You know what might have helped? Maybe they needed video? Nah, How about Witness testimony? Nah, Maybe photographs with his Grammy awards in them? Either way, it proves that Celebrities live by different rules and the grand public lets them.

I'm horrified

Goodbye Monkey Boy

My Dog passed away this morning. 4:00am. I knew this day would come sooner or later, but it was still a shock. In November, he would have turned 12 years old (people years, because really, what the hell are dog years anyways?). I couldn’t have asked for a better dog while growing up. He was attentive, intelligent and affectionate, not to mention a great protector.

We came upon Taylor accidentally. Growing up, my parents didn’t want a dog. Reasonably, they felt that having a dog would limit our vacation choices, and would be a lot of work to keep. Most people don’t want to look after your dog as you go on a month-long trip through Europe. We vicariously owned dogs through our grandparents (Killer) and Neighbour (Smokey). We even bough a couple of Guinea Pigs to keep as pets (Chip + Thumper lead to Gizmo and Dale). At the age of 18, I started looking to buy fish to fill an aquarium left in the basement by my sister. I soon realized that fish sucked and I’d be elbow deep in Fish poop, weekly, as I cleaned the aquarium. My interests turned to Geckos. I searched a few pet shops but couldn’t find any Gecko I liked. I soon realized that I didn’t want a fish or a Gecko. I wanted a dog. My Dad clued in on it sooner than I had. While at PetSmart, searching for a Geko, my dad turned to me and said “You don’t want a lizard do you.” I confessed that I wanted a dog, and terminated the Gecko hunt. As it just so happened, one of my dad’s co-workers had a litter of Black Lab/Shepherd puppies. We all approached my mom and told her we were ready to buy a dog. She too was willing to get a dog now that we were all older. Mom had only one stipulation. The stipulation being that we had to get a small to medium sized dog. She didn’t want an overwhelming dog in the house. Big dogs also tend to shed a lot more. Seeing as Lab/Shep puppies will grow to be a fairly large sized dog, the litter was left out of the selection process. As a family, we decided that the dog we get has to be unanimously approved by the family, and that we were to adopt a dog from a shelter. My dad did most of the leg work, visiting shelters on his lunch breaks, and taking us over when he found one that he thought we’d all like. Unfortunately, this process was long and drawn out. We couldn’t all agree on a dog we liked. As our search continued, the litter of Lab/Shep puppies, up for adoption by my dad’s co-worker were being scooped up. By mid-December, the Lab/Shep puppies had all been spoken for, and our search for a new dog was fruitless. Things weren’t looking good on the adoption-front until my dad found out one of the Lab/Shep puppies was back up for adoption. The original owner had to back out. Seeing his opening for adoption, my dad put together a plan that would us our very own Lab/Shep puppy. He brought home one of the litter Lab pup photos to show my mom. The studio dog photo had a barely 8 week old Lab pup sitting in front of a winter landscape, as the puppy adorned reindeer antlers. This photo was equivalent to the family Christmas portrait. One look at the photo and my mom had to have a lab puppy of her own. The next day, my dad brought home Taylor.

One of my favourite memories of Taylor was how he would wait up for me as I came home late from the bar. All throughout college and a few years later, Taylor would sleep at the top of the stairs, waiting for me to come home from the bar. As I unlocked the door each of those times, and stepped in at some early morning hour, he wouldn’t bark, as he normally would, should anyone enter the house. Taylor would lie on his side, without a moan or a bark; he’d wag his tail as I climbed the steps to my room. The wagging of his tail sounded like the quick whipping of a muted drum. As I went to bed and closed my door, Taylor, now satisfied that I made it home, would proceed back into my parents’ room and climb into their bed for the remainder of the morning.

I have plenty more Taylor stories I could tell. He was a great dog with a wise and compassionate character. He left us as I remember him, wagging his tail a he passed away.

Wasabi Tuna Recipe

I thought I'd throw down a recipe I came up with. As some of you may know, I really love to grill. This recipe I came up makes use of the grill.

You'll need:

4 Tbs - Teriyaki sauce (Kikkoman is my fav)
2 Tbs - Soy Sauce (Kikkoman once again)
2 cubes - Crushed Frozen ginger
3/4 Tsp - prepared Wasabi
1 Tsp - Sesame oil
2 - Tuna Steaks (Thawed if bought frozen)
1/2 Tsp - Coarse crushed pepper
4 Tbs - Sesame seeds

Preparation Instructions:

1. Combine the Teriyaki sauce, Soy sauce, Ginger, Wasabi, Sesame oil, and pepper in a shallow marinating bowl.
2. Let the ingredients to set and mingle for 5 minutes.
3. Preheat the Grill to Medium-High heat.
   
4. Place the Tuna steaks in to the marinade, flip after 2 minutes of marinading. The Tuna absorbs flavor really quickly so you don't have to marinade for very long.
   
5. Once you've marinated the steaks, and the grill is at the proper temperature, coat the steaks in Sesame seeds.
6. Place the steaks on the grill at 4 minutes per side (medium cooked steaks).
   
7. Flip the steaks only once, being sure not to lose too many sesame seeds.

This recipe works well pan seared with other fish. I've tried it with tilapia and Mahi Mahi.

Crap I found on eBay

Seeing as how it's May, the sun is out and perfect Garage Sale weather, I decided to brows the world's largest garage sale for some of the more ridiculous items on sale this week. In no specific order here They Are:

#1 - World's Largest Untreated Sapphire
Yes for only pocket change, you can purchase this "Museum Grade" Gemstone. The price tage is a mere $1.5 Million. Nothing says "High Class Trailer Park" like a giant useless gem. You'd think the Seller "browny55" would be selling petrified animal dung instead of priceless giant gemstones.



#2 - Fetus Chips
This item, listed as an Alien-Fetus Chip looks more like Quatto from Total Recall. Maybe it's just me, but if there's something that looks like this growing inside you, please get it checked out.


#3 - Fried Penis
Mental note, Never go to Frumby Joe's in Johannesburg Missouri. It appears that the line cooks are castrating themselves, frying up the junk and selling it off as cauliflower. IT kind of freaks me out that they call it "Manhood". I think they'd have gotten more than 2 hits in a week if they called it Dude Sausage, tube steak, wang, tally whacker, pecker, dork, or any of the other countless names for a penis.



#4 - Online Spells at 10% off!
Brace yourself! You too can cast spells to shine like a star. But wait, there's more if you order TODAY only, we'll discount the price by 10%. Not satisfied? Check out their 100% feedback rating. Still not convinced? If you're not completely satisfied by the spell, you're guaranteed your money back! Buy this Magic Haunted Super Stone and you'll Shine like a star. If I were the Government, I would think that selling stones that make you Glow would be against the Law. The only stones I know of that can make you glow (With a side effect of burning urination), is Plutonium. Could it be that eBay is the new black market for radioactive plutonium?



#5 - Mormon advice - Red this lady's issues
I was at home the other day and thought to myself "Hey, Wouldn't it be great if there were someone I could call for Mormonly advice?" My Prayers were answered this morning. I found an unaccredited Mormon advice service through eBay. Take That Jo Jo's Defunkt Psychial Alliance! A few questions come to mind. 1) Why can't you just ask your mormon priest for advice? 2) Why is there a child with sunglasses as the listing photo? 3) How can you be a recovering Porn Addict, and not know if you're clean? Is there a healthy amount of porn? Actually, is there an unhealthy amount of porn? 4) Lady Kataana sounds like a wicked Porn name. I'm writing a porn about a poly amourous mother of 2 who needs to overcome her additions to smoking porn and stiff Manhoods. Are you looking for a job?



#6 - Dork Dominance Cock Pump
Have you ever felt like your manhood isn't long and skinny enough? Me too. Well, I came across this Gem and would be crazy not to buy it for the bargain basement price of $170. No longer will I be looked down upon in the shower. I will soon be able to hold my head up high through the excruciating pain of having my shaft pulled clear from the shaft socket. I had braces for 4 years, and if this schlong stretcher (which works on the same principles) is anything like my braces, I pity the man who buys this. Medical note: Do not mix this device with 4X Male Enhancement pills. You're liable to snap the brace off and seriously injure bystanders with penis enhancing shrapnel.