Why I failed my G2 Diving test, & other driving test stories

So, I must admit, I failed my G2 test for no other reason than my own back-talking. Should that be reason enough for me to fail? not at all, but I'm sure it made the day of the driving examiner.

My journey through driving school wasn't the easiest. I decided to go with Sears driving school. It was the cheapest driving school I could find, that would allow me to get some sort of insurance discount, not to mention the Sears points my parents would collect from the course fees.

Remember one thing people, you get what you pay for. The Sears driving course included two training areas; in class, and in-car instruction. My in-car instruction wasn't too bad. I got to drive a metallic-blue Pontiac Sunbird. My driving instructor and I got along very well. I would drive him to and from real-estate showings, and he assured me that if he won the lottery, his metallic-blue Sunbird would be mine. Seeing as how I never got the Sunbird, I can only assume he hasn't won the lottery yet. On special days, he'd ask me to drive him back to his house , so he could use the washroom. I learned three things from my in-car driving instructor. 1) Public toilets are riddled with germs. 2) Property values in Mississauga were trending upwards, and he wanted to get in on the boom. 3) When changing lanes during my driving test, always be sure to over-exaggerate the mirror check. I was told to touch my chin to my shoulders. A lot of students failed due to "improper mirror checking".

My in-class lessons were less than stellar. We watched low-budget 80's driving videos, took tests, where the answers were obvious, and effectively prevented 30 Sears employees from celebrating Sandra's birthday because of our use of the department conference room. What was most frustrating about the entire situation wasn't the fact that the in-class lessons took place in a conference room, where the door faced the Plus and Plenty woman's lingerie department. The worst part was that I had to re-take 3/4 of my classes because my instructors thought it would be wise to give the students the answers to the in-class tests. I spent an additional 6 classes, re-watching the same videos, and re-taking the class tests.

Finally my day of reckoning had come. I was about to go for my G2 test. A few weeks earlier, my father had purchased a new automobile for my mom. I decided to take the test in the newish 2005 Saturn SC1. Sitting in my car, I saw a lanky 6'6" man who sported a red afro and aviator sunglasses (both of which were out of style). As the driving examiner squeezed his frame into the sub-compact sports coupe, he asked me for the licence plate number. Since the car was fairly new, and I hadn't driven the car much, I didn't know the plate number. Here's how the dialogue took place:

Examiner: What's your plate number?
Me: Sorry, I don't know, we just got the car.
Examiner: How can you not know the plate number of your own car?
Me: We just got it, I normally drive the mustang. I know the number of that car.
Examiner: But this is the car you're driving now. Don't you think you should know the number?
Me: You knew before getting in the car that you needed the plate number, why didn't you just get it before getting in the car?

As he vaulted his body out of the car to record the plate, I knew that my test would not have the outcome I desired. Still, I gave my examiner the driving experience of a lifetime. I signaled like a champ, dodged other drivers, and parallel parked better than a stunt driver, not to mention, checked my mirrors and blind spots like an overactive french mime. I was sure I had passed. Flawless driving at its best. When the exam was complete, I turned to the examiner turned to me and said "you failed the examination, and showed me that I failed to check my mirrors and blind-spot multiple times. Each time was a point deduction. I had failed not due to my ineptitude, but instead due to the road-examiner's own failure in forethought, and my failure in judgment.

After passing my G2 re-test with flying colours, I was ready to try my hand at a full-blown licence. The G test was in many circles, equivalent to the eliminator in American Gladiators. My G test was much more enjoyable than my first G2 test. I saw a driving hopeful almost get crushed by a tractor trailer, and had my examiner reach over to honk the horn at another student who was failing their test horribly. At the end of the exam, I was tasked with parallel parking the car. As I backed in with grace, I heard a thud. The tire had hit the curb. How was it possible that I had put forward such a flawless test, and blew it all away by hitting the curb. I parked the car, then returned to the testing centre. The examiner turned to me and said " If it weren't for your phenomenal driving throughout the test, I would have failed you for hitting the curb. You've passed"

In the end, I learned that a smart mouth doesn't always work to your advantage, and that honking is ok! To this day, I honk all the time. in fact, I honked my horn this morning, when assisting my friend in locating my car.

The Savety Razor Wet Shave made me toss my Fusion

I, like many men have to shave on a daily basis in order to keep my face from appearing like a specimen from Animal Planet. That being said, there's no better razor on the market than the Gillette Fusion. In an effort to find the closest shave, I have tried every mainstream razor on the market. I even used to drive to the US to buy Old Spice Razors until they were discontinued. My passion for a clean shave was hampered by the expensive cost of replacement blade cartridges. This was until I revived a retro shaving system.

Since I have thick beard hair (aka the Maltese Specialty), I rip through a new cartridge once every two weeks. If I were to try a razor for any longer than two weeks, I find that the razor begins to irritate my skin, and the closeness of the shave deteriorates rapidly. Fusion blades cost ~$5 each replacement. In an effort to conserve some dough, I decided I'd try the "5", a generic 5-blade system sold in all pharmacies under different names. Although the "5" provides a decent shave for the money at ~$3 per blade, I still felt pretty ripped off for the kind of money I'm spending for a half-assed shave. This lead to my recent discovery.

As I was searching eBay for the latest deals on electronics and fishing supplied. I thought I'd buy some direct-from-china Gillette Fusion blades. It comes out to ~$3 per cartridge. At that price, I'd give up my "5" and go back to the better shaving system. In my search for the cheapest Fusion price on eBay, I came across a vintage wet Shave razor listing. Finding the vintage wet-shave razor lead me to do a bit of research on the topic of "Wet Shaving", and "Safety Razors". Safety razors were the main form of shaving until the early 70's. I did a bit more digging, and found that a lot of people are switching back to the safety razor system. The Safety razor system allows the user to alter the angle and exposure of the blade, to match the face on which the blade is being used.

I did my research, and found a 1972 Gillette "Black Beauty" razor in excellent condition for $12 (That's one heck of a deal). Once I got the razor, I sterilized it, cleaned it and prepared it for shaving. Yesterday was my first Safety Razor shaving experience, and I can't be happier. The shave was close and comfortable; equal or greater to any shave I've ever gotten from the Gillette Fusion. The replacement blades cost ~$1 each at the pharmacy, but go for under $0.20 each if bought online. Since the blades are double-sided, theoretically, I could switch blades every other day, and my shaving experience would still be cheaper and better than anything I could get from the Fusion.

From this point forward, the only way I'll be using a cartridge shaving system, is if I'm traveling.

If you want a bit more information on Safety Razors and Wet Shaving, click the links below.

Safety Razor tips
Safety Razor guide on eBay
Boring Guy with Great Safety Razor tips

Milk - They'll make you pay for longevity

I am not sure if you've noticed, but the expiry date on your milk is getting sooner and sooner.

Over the past 3 years, I have noticed that the expiry date on run of the mill 4L bags of milk has reduced from 4 weeks, to 3 weeks, and now to ~2.5 weeks. The expiry dated on standard milk have shrunk, while the expiry dates on premium grade milk has remained the same at 4-5 weeks.

I'm not one for conspiracy or collusion theories, but this is all to frequent and all to sudden. I believe the Milk producers have worked together to cohesively reduce the longevity of standard milk products, while maintaining the longevity of premium milk products, in order to garner more profits. Very frequently, I have intercepted the milk-stock clerk and picked a bag right off the new-shipment cart, only to find the expiry date on my standard milk product to be between 2.5 - 3 weeks left of freshness before the expiry date.

Now, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I find it odd that every retailer is now selling standard milk that only lasts 2.5 weeks, whlie premium milk lasts 4+ weeks.

White Beers are taking over, but only one can take over my heart

The past couple of years has ushered in a slew of new white beers. You can't walk by a patio in the summer without seeing a patron hoisting a glass, which includes a sliver of Orange to compliment the White beer flavours.

When I initially tasted a white beer (Schneiderwiess), I exclaimed to everyone at the party that I made a large mistake in life, by buying that specific type of beer. My initial reaction to the white beer was that of disgust. It tasted like I was drinking hot dog water, mixed with beer that had just recently turned bad.

8 years later, and I enjoy the taste of a white beer. I was re-introduced to the taste of white beer through Hoegaarden about 4 years ago. The manly glass used to present the beer was my initial attractant. Although it wasn't a beer I'd order often, it was an excellent break from the traditional ales and pilsners I was accustomed to. I soon started to devblop a taste for the white beers, and began exploring other brands of white beer. Whether I was drinking was Rickards, McAuslan, KLB, or Mill Street, or the previously mentioned Howgaarden, I especially appreciated the light flavours of white beers on a patio, in the summer. It became aparent that White beers were becoming the new fad in the beer market. PC even manufactures a White beer called Blanche. This pasts pring ushered in an excellent member of the white beer selection; Keiths White was soon becoming my favorite. The flavour was consistent, no matter where I purchased it. The brew was readily available, refreshing, and reasonably priced.

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of tasting Kronenbourg Blanc. If you know me personally, you know that my list of top beers includes Kronenbourg's 1664 victory beer. Based on my appreciation of the 1664 Victory product, I decided to try Kronenbour Blanc. I don't think I can accurately describe my immediate amazement with Kronenbourg Blanc. Kronenbour Blanc was as smooth as Hoegaarden with more fruity flavours, and a velvety overall taste. By far, Kronenbourg Blanc tops my list of White beers, and is a top contender for overall favourite beer. I offered a sample of Kronenbourg blanc to a friend of mine, and he too felt that it was the best white beer he had ever tasted.

If you're interested in trying Kronenbourg Blanc, visit the West 50 pourhouse in Mississauga. I can't find any other place that sells this beer.

Even if you don't like White beers, I am confident that this beer will change your viewpoint on White beers

Bad Drivers Unite - then drive your asses in to a ditch!

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just you. I live in a city where ridiculous driving is ignored by the police and crazy drivers feel the need to flip the bird in order to add insult to injury.

If you've ever been in a car with me, you'll know that the crazies target me like the elderly target the Mandarin Buffet - frequently and with disregard for others. I would be surprised if I found out there was a secret game being played, where other drivers get points for making me dodge to avoid them, and extra points if they cause me to crash... kind of like Gotcha but with cars, and with me not knowing.

The other day, I was driving home from work, minding my own business when some doucher in a gray Altima decided he'd run a long-gone advanced green. To give you a bit of perspective on this, imagine you're facing an advanced green. The advanced green now ends. Wait the standard two seconds before the straight-driving traffic gets the go-ahead. Straight driving traffic now gets the go-ahead, as my light turns green. Now, say "On your marks, get set go" as soon as you say finish saying go, the loser in the Altima making the illigal left turn is going to swing out and force 3 lanes of traffic to halt. As he makes the turn, the Altimapassenger decides he'd like to flip us all the bird. Not only has this jerk-ass almost caused an accident, and has had his passenger flipp us the bird, he's also carrying a back-seat full of children. What an excellent example these people are setting for their children.

If this is a grand old game, what would be the score if you were to almost hit me and flip me the bird. Is that like a double-point score?

Leno Vs. Letterman - Who you got?

When I reflect on the time that I've spent watching evening talk-show, I can't help but to wonder how Leno stayed on the air, and how he actually garnered decent ratings. I can't remember a single time I've actually laughed at a joke on Leno, except for the time Barak Obama made fun of the special Olympics.

Letterman on the other hand, although sometimes condescending, is extremely enjoyable and a much better interviewer, yet ranked lower in viewershp than Leno. His awkward moments with Crispin Glover, the time he brought flowers to the GE office, and more recently Joaquin Phoenix, are all excellent examples of Orignal moments that could only be produced by Late Night with David Letterman. Leno, on the other hand, can only produce laughs with his "Headlines" bit. A bit that was derrived from other people's mistakes or printings. Letterman does the same bit, except his "Great Moments in Preseidential Speeches" are funnier and more current. Unfortunately, the Letterman bit was put to rest when Barak took office.

Letterman always seemed to get more out of his guests. The dialog almost always seems genuine, and unforced, unlike Leno, who looks like he's reading his questions from the prompter.

I'm convinced that People are just content Tuning in to NBC evening talk shows because that's what they're use to doing. It's time to wake up and tune in to a show you'll actually enjoy.

I am happy to see Leno leave the airwaves for good. Leno took a great show, previously hosted by gifted hosts, and flushed it down the tubes. Hopefully O'Brien will bring the Tonight Show back to a respectable level. If not, there's always dependable Letterman.

Puff the Magic Dragon, lived by the sea... and Mornings, lunch and eveoutside my office

The sun is shining, breeze is warm, an the air smells like George Burns' Ass.

This is what I come across when I exit/enter my office building on a daily basis. I thought I'd write about this after I had some time to think about the issue, and cool down.

For those of you who are not from Ontario, you may not know that we have some pretty strict smoking laws in place to protect non-smokers from inadvertently inhaling second-hand smoke toxins while in public areas. In brief, the law forbids smoking within 9 meters of building entrances, and must not have an overhead shelter. All entrances must display a non-smoking sign.

In an effort to encourage smoking within designated smoking areas, the building management at my office, has created a patio-style smoking area with seating and wind shelter. Unfortunately, this area is not used as frequently as it should be.

Instead of using this designated smokers-section, you find that smokers more frequently use the sheltered entrance area as their preferred smoking area. The wonderful thing about this sheltered entrance area is that it holds smoke very well, leaving us smoke-sensitive workers to share in the splendour of second hand smoke. I frequently find myself fighting off headaches due to second-hand smoke. I have an allergy to smoke, and asthma that are both aggravated each time I enter and exit the office.

The office management has taken steps to try and deter smokers who choose to smoke in law-prohibited areas. The office has sent out emails, and has asked office patrons to move to the designated smoking area Unfortunately, the smokers ignore these requests and continue to infringe on the health and happiness of their fellow coworkers by smoking within 5 feet of the entrance.

I have asked coworkers in the past to head to the smoking section instead of smoking within the confined of the pre-designated smoke-free areas. Although my coworkers oblige when I ask, they retun to the designated smoke-free areas for their next nic-fix.

Normally, my reaction to resolving issue that affect me would be to request action from the parties involved (which I've already done), and if results are not achieved, I'd escalate the issue to the local authority, and finally to the legal authority. Unfortunately, I don't feel the local authority nor the legal authorities will action my request.

In the past, I've made complaints to the local smoking authorities for smoking infractions that adversely affected me. To my dismay, the local authorities felt that although the rules were being broken, they weren't being broken "that bad" so the were left with a warning.

I would compare smoking in non-smoking areas to bringing peanut butter to an elementary school. The happiness of the individual is trumped by the health of another. The problem is that people really aren't taking the negative affects of smoking seriously. There are coalitions to save smoking and right to choose parties looking to keep smoking in public areas. You don't see coalitions for peanuts in schools, or free the peanut campaigns. The affects are the same, but not as immediate. Why are we so blind to ignore these facts?

My hope now is that someone reads this and understands that these smoking laws are not meant to inconvenience smokers for the sake of inconvenience, but rather are meant to protect the smoke sensitive individuals like myself.

Jose Calderon part of the nba History, and nobody knows.

When you think of amazing, Jose Calderon of the Toronto Raptors doesn't come to mind. Talented...maybe? But one thinkg to note about the Spanish Rap, is that he is among a league of elite players.

I was listening to Sports radio and was amazed to hear that Calderon has quietly become a member of the 50-40-90 club. Last year, he was in contention but didn't meet the minimum requirement for shots.

What is this 50-40-90 club, and how can I be a member?

The requirements are simple. Throw 50% accuracy or better from the field, 40% or better from 3pt range, and 90% or better from the line. There is a minimum requirement of shots in each, but I couldn't find the number.

The other 5 members of this elite club are Larry Bird, Reggie Miller, Steve Nash, and Dirk Nowitzki.

I'm surprised that this hasn't been made very public or celebrated. Neither the Raptors nor NBA have announced the feat.

The only place I read about it was in a Spanish newspaper. Link Here: http://www.laopinioncoruna.es/secciones/noticia.jsp?pRef=2009041500_12_277529__Deportes-Calderon-tirador-infalible

In addition to all this, Calderon holds the record for most accurate free throws all-time with 98.1% making 151 of 154.

Pretty Amazing that a team that can't fill all the seats around the court isn't promoting its players the way it should be. Clearly, another blunder by MLSE.

Bathroom Hijacked by a Toilet Jockey

Maybe it's me, but I can't stand having Bathroom attendants in Club/Bars. The other night, I went to Failte Irish pub in Mississauga, only to find that as I relieved myself in their facilities, I was being watched by a panhandler with soap.

Yes, I was the victim of a bathroom hijacking.

I don't feel the need to pay someone for services I can render on my own. I do not need someone dispensing soap or a towel for me, when I'm perfectly capable of doing so on my own. Failte Irish pub featured a toilet jockey who not only blocked the entrance of a tiny bathroom, but also removed the paper towel from the paper towel dispenser, leaving those of us who like to wash and DRY our own hands, paying for these normally free services. What'smore, the Bathroom at Failte was pretty filthy. The Bathroom attendant paid no attention to the scraps of paper discarded on the floor, nor was he concerned with the urine pool that led from the stall to the frond door. As small as the Failte Men's bathrrom is, the addition of a working body that does nothing but panhandle and take up space is absolutely foolish.

There seems to be no real need for bathroom attendants in Bars & Clubs, except to find other ways of gouging patrons. I don't feel the need to pray on their selection of designer imposter colognes, nor do I need to use deodorant that a stranger has applied before me. I feel that if I'm going to have someone watch me use the urinal, he should be paying me for his perverted pleasure.

I know I've spoken about this topic before, but really, something has to be said for these "Services" and the right of refusal in bars and clubs.

Shamwow - Now even better at picking up hooker blood!

So, let's say you're out on Tijuana with some guys, and after consuming copious amounts of booze, you find yourself with a lady of the evening. Now, let's say this ball-jockey you picked up starts to get a bit ornery and had to go a bit Charles Bronson on her to knock he down a peg or two. On the surface, a good old fashion Mexican hooker-beating may sound like a good idea, but what to do with all the hooker blood that comes as a result of this Bronsonesque peg knocking??? Well, keep up with me here camera-man, because I can only do this once!

Oh yeah, You heard it here first! Shamwow, now available in Mexico. Check out the video below to see the ad in all it's hilarity.



In other Shamwow News.... Have you herd tat Vince, the Shamwow guy has been charg with assaulting a hooker? Oh yeah. As it turns out, the hooker bit Vince's tongue, so he laid down a hooker beating of his own.

Details Here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

Shamwow Vince in an even finer form http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0408091sham1.html

Vince's Handy Work: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0330091newsham1.html

Another setback for the Toilet Chef of the Midwest

If you've ever tried to cook something on the toilet, let me tell you it takes a lot of skill and preparation. Not that I know from experience, or anything, it's just that a friend of a friend tried it once and I'll have to admit it sounded like a pretty mean kebab.

Joking aside, how desperate must you be if you have to cook your meals in a toilet? Well, a Washington prison inmate was that desperate. AP news story here. My next question would have to be "why is the washington prison selling uncooked meat to inmates who have no way of cooking it"? That's comparable to selling hard candy at a denture convention, or contraceptives to mormons.

Unfortunately, the AP did not get a photo or a name of this inmate. I however did some investigative research and found the crappy culinary online. Hit the link for a photo.

Are they that dumb, or is it a language thing?

Have you ever heard of these direct-from-china websites that cater to English speaking parts of the world? They're usually a good source for rare electronics finds and a bit of "engrish" humor, but in some rare cases, it's a source of complete frustration.

My last interaction with one of these china-direct websites comes with an ongoing story. On Jan 4 2009, I purchased a Playstation 3 controller to accompany the super-awesome PS3 I got for christmas. I was too cheap to go out to EB games and shell out $56 for a genuine Sony Playstation controller. I thought I'd save some money and use some of the balance I had in my paypal account. My purchase came to $31. This particular PS3 controller was a steal considering it featured Bluetooth, which allows me to wirelessly controll my Ps3 system.


Unfortunately, when I received the controller, I found that it does not feature Bluetooth connectivity. The product listing was incorrect. The controller came with a Dongle I had to plug in to the PS#. The problem with the dongle is that it blinks red every second. The dongle and the blinking are pretty distracting.

I decided to contact the customer service department to see if I could get a replacement controller; a controller that featured Bluetooth.

Here's how my conversation went. Please understand that I've been dealing with this company for almost 3 months on this issue. I'll be paraphrasing below because they've been deleting my on-line messages in shame.

Me - Hello, the controller you sent me does not function as described. It looks exactly the same as the one you have in the description, except it does not feature Bluetooth, nor does it come with a USB cable.

Liu - I'm sorry to hear sir, please send us a photo.

Me - Do I really need to send you a photo? It's the exact same thing you have on your site. The packaging is the same and everything. It's just that your product description is incorrect.

Sammy - I'm sorry to hear you're having problems with your purchase, please send us a photo.

Me - your site doesn't allow me to pate links to the photos. Do you have an email address I can send to

Michelle - Sorry, our site doesn't work right now. Please send us an email.

[I send them a photo of the item]

Me - I sent you a photo. Did you get it?

Mike - no, please send again.

[I send through another photo of the item]

Me - Did you get the email? I haven't gotten a response in a while

[It's moon festiva, the country shuts down for a few days]

Michelle - Sorry, we have been on vacation for days. We got your photo thanks

Me - Ok, what should I do now? I would really like a controller that has Bluetooth. Evidently, your description is incoorect, and this one does not have Bluetooth.

Michelle - I'm sorry to hear you're having problems with your product. Please send it to Hong Kong. Address Attached. We will send you a new controller that features Bluetooth.

[I send this thing over and it costs me $10. This means I've paid $41 for this controller now]

Me - Hi, I checked the tracking and it appears that you got the return a week and a half ago. When can I expect my replacement bluetooth controller?

Lilly - Hello, yes we did receive it a week ago. We will be sending you out a new controller for the asap

[I finally get this thing on March 18. That's a month after they said it would be sent on the asap. I guess asap means something different in engrish]

Me - Hello, I received the replacement controller, but it's the same one I was sent originally. Please re-read the chain of messages again.

This webpage item description is incorrect. Item #GCO21B does not feature Bluetooth. The item you sent me is the one listed on your site, except your site incorectly lists Bluetooth as one of the product features. I want a controller that features Bluetooth.

Zoe - We are so sorry to hear that. But could you please send us photos of the parcel including products? You can use URL or just send it to info@focalprice.com. Please let us know after you send it. We will deal with it as soon as we receive it.

Me - Do you really need a photo again? This is the exact same product that you have on your site. My issue has to do with an incorrect Description.

Zoe - We are so sorry to hear that. But could you please send us photos of the parcel including products? You can use URL or just send it to info@focalprice.com. Please let us know after you send it. We will deal with it as soon as we receive it.

[I send them a photo again]

Michelle - Hello, would you accept a $3USD discount?

Me - I would not accept a $3USD discount as it cost me $10 USD to return the controller. What I would accept is a replacement controller that actually had Bluetooth.

Lily - Dear Stephen,
We feel sorry for any inconvenience.
Would you mind paying $3.5 for resending a new one.
and you would send it back, dur to the expensive shiping fee.
please advise you opinion.
Thanks for your patience and support.


Me - Hi Lily, I dno't understand what you mean. Would you like me to return the product I currently have, and pay $3.50 USD for a new controller that has bluetooth?

Cherry - We mean that you pay $3.5 and we send you a new again. As for the wrong item, you can hold it. If you agree, please send payment to focalprice@gmail.com. Please let us know after your payment. We will arrange new shipment of the exact same item to you again.

Me - Will the new GS021B have Bluetooth? The last twe I received do not have Bluetooth. Remember, the issue is that this product has an incorrect description on your site.

Michelle - The item is as the description. It has bluetooth.

[Now, I'm trying to decide. Is english the barrier, or are they trying to confuse me enough that I'll just leave them alone. Unfortunately, I'm like a Barak Obama Joke about handicapped people - I just won't go away]

Me - The problem is that the item does not have bluetooth. The description is wrong. The item is wireless, but does not have bluetooth.

Michelle - I am afraid there is something wrong with the purchasing department. Would you like to accept it with some discount ?

Me - Hello, I do not want a discount. If possible, I'd like a controller that actually features Bluetooth. Is that possible? You once sold a Genuine Sony controller with Bluetooth on your site.

Think Mac computers are hacker-proof? Think again!

I came across this article the other day and thought I'd pass it along. I always get challenged when I say that Apple computers and PC computers are pretty much the same, with some minor differences. To over-simplify it, I'd compare it to Starbucks vs. Tim Hortons; no matter how you slice it, they both serve coffee.

One of the Biggest Mac misconceptions is that they don't get viruses, and can't be hacked. The truth is that since Mac computers hold such a small market share, the hackers & virus creators tend not to pay attention to them. They'd rather target the larger market in hopes of finding someone who is vulnerable. For those of you that don't believe me, check out this article in which an Apple computer is hacked in less than 10 seconds.

The moral of this story is as follows:

A - Don't believe everything you see on TV. Those Mac vs. PC ads almost totally banned in the UK for good reason (They have more stringent advertising laws than we do. Here, we can bend the rules a bit, in the UK, you have to tell it as it is). Click the Link to check out the Ad that claims that Mac Don't get viruses.

B -NEVER have unprotected sex with strangers! Even if she says she's only been with a few guys, and there's no way you'd get a virus, and there's no possibility of your dick getting hacked by a stranger, wear a condom.

My Car Turned 100,000Kms today

Yup, The car I purchased 3 years and 9 months ago turned 100,000Kms the other day. It was quite a momentous occasion. Marcy D'Arcy is purring like a kitten, and not those kittens who moan all night long, keeping you up, only after head butting the bedroom door open ;)

It got me thinking about the current plight of North American auto makers and a recent discussion I heard on talk radio. Yeah, I listen to talk radio in the mornings because I can't stand Dean Blundel; he's about as funny as a clown funeral, but that's another story for another day.

The argument came about after the president of Ford Canada proposed a $3,500 rebate for buyers of new Ford, Chrysler, and GM cars, if they junk their 10+ year old cars. I thought this was a pretty good idea considering the fact that Cars have become Greener, with a decrease in emissions of up to 50%. Mix the environmental factors with the stimulus the rebate would provide, and it appears to be a pretty good idea. The problem is that during the entirety of the discussion, only pro-old car and anti-domestic voices called in. Arguments ranged from people who want to keep their car for as long as possible, to use it as a measure of their own reliability no matter how much the car costs in monthly repairs, to callers who thought that domestic cars were pieces of junk. One caller even went so far as to misquote statistics from a CNN report, stating that 80% of domestic cars are not produced in North America (The actual story summary is that not all import cars are made outside North America, and not all North American cars are built in the United States).

Whatever the case, I want people to know that not all North American cars are crap. I just rolled over the 100,000KM mark on my mustang, and am proud to say my last mustang lasted 15 years and 389,000Kms. I bet there's plenty of people out there with domestic car success and pain stories. My issue is that people rely on ignorance and biased opinions when making car purchases. When looking to buy a car, do yourself a favor, and do some research. Check out Consumer Reports, ask current vehicle owners if they're happy with their car. Don't just rely on propaganda and slick marketing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to only buy North American, my point is to simply educate yourself before you buy, and hopefully, educate yourself before you open your mouth on national radio.

The Belarussians and the Bride?

If you follow the NHL, and more specifically, the Canadiens and the Toronto Maple Leafs, you're sure to have heard about the rift between the Kostitsyn Borthers and Mikael Grabovski. Basically, each party is accusing the other of bitch talking in the Belarusian press. Since all three speak Belorussian, and 99.95% of the world doesn't speak it, or read it, and doesn't care to learn; nobody can read the articles, an know why they're all pissy. I however have a theory in light of recent events.

La Presse has recently uncovered that three Montreal Canadiens players, including the Kostitsyn brothers have been associated with a known criminal. This criminal is on tape having worked with the brothers in getting them booze, cars, in to clubs and paid for women. Article Here.

I think it boils down to this. The Kostitsyn brothers were upset at the quality of prostitute that their criminal friend had acquired for them the night previous, so they took it out on Grabovski. I can only assume that the two Kostitsyn brothers are looking for a kind of pro you can only find in a former-soviet colony, only a few hundred kilometers from Chernobyl. In other words, they're looking for loose teeth, and tight beards on their women. Grabovski, who also years for the gruff, chapped hand of a Belarusian lover, outed his Belarusian countrymen in the local papers, citing that they had lowered their standards and pay for the services of the svelte and moustache-free Montreal women of the night.

As you can see, this would cause quite the rift between the two parties.

I'm sure that in time these three Belarusian hockey "sensations" can set their differences aside with the assistance of some Prince Igor vodka, and an evening at a Brampton brothel*. In the meantime, I hope to never again see a "Wanted" poster with Grabovski's face on it, or hear a word about the Belarusian midget-crisis.

Seacrest - out!


*It's a well known fact that Brampton brothels house only the dirtiest and mangiest of all pay-for-pleasure women in Canada.

Blowed up real good!

So, you might have read, or heard that Ottawa Senators owner (and unfortunately, owner of the Mississauga St. Michael's Majors hockey club) had some choice words for proponents of a Ottawa Senators rebuild. An article on his opinion can be found here (But don't read it yet). What I thought was particularly funny was one of his quotes:

"Anybody that says we should blow up this organization should get their own bomb and go blow themselves up, OK?"

Eugene's above quote reminded me of a sketch that use to run on SCTV, the Farm Film Report, where the Hosts (Candy and Flaherty) would ask their guests to get "Blow'd up Real Good!"

I think Eugene really misses SCTV, and wants to re-live those glory days by having his fan-base Blow them selves up Real Good!

Maybe it's just me, but telling your fans to blow yourselves up doesn't seem like a very wise PR choice. I also wonder why more people aren't spewing hate for him, as they are for Don Cherry, the CBC, and Mike Milbury. While Cherry and Milbury are under scrutiny for making up the word "Pansification", Eugene can tell people to blow themselves up, and remain unscrutinized.

I'm amazed at what seems to leave people unphased, while other things cause riots and hate.

On that note:

"May the Good Lord take a likin' to ya' and blow ya' up real soon!"

Mr. Lube.... You up before they throw sand in your ass

This weekend ushered in the first oil change of 2009. Hooray for Marcy Darcy (That's my car's name).

I pulled in to Meineke (home of the $20 oil change) half an hour after they opened on Saturday, only to find they were booked up for the entire day. I found this odd, as every time I've ever tried to book an oil change with them, they stated that this location's policy was to never take appointments. it's first come, first serve. Since I was at the store early on Saturday, I thought I'd challenge the clerk to see if he'd take me in right away or allow me to make an appointment for earlier in the day. Here's how the conversation ran:

Stephen - Hi, I'm here to get an oil change.
Clerk - Sorry, we're booked for the day
S - You guys just opened. How can you be booked? I was told that you can't book an appointment here
C - Yes
S - Ok, so can I get my car serviced today?
C - Sorry, we're booked up for the day. Come back later.
S - Can I make an appointment for some time?
C - No, sorry, we don't take appointments.
S - So, how can you be booked for the day, if you don't take appointments?
C - Maybe come back later
S - When should I come back? you guys don't take appointments.
C - Do you want something for the weekend or the week?
S - Are we making an appointment?
C - No, we don't make appointments
S - So, why does it matter if I tell you when I'm coming in next?
C - Maybe make an appointment for sometime in the week

I decided that talking to this guy was like the snake that ate its tail- We're just going to go in circles. I left and decided to head to Mr. Lube. Sure, it's a little more, but the quality of service would be better.

I arrived at Mr. Lube to get the business done on my car. I was quickly ushered in Just in time too, as as soon as I pulled in a line of 3 cars formed behind me and the next bay. While the Lubers were disposing of the old oil and replenishing the car, I was approached by "The Hard Sell Man. Clearly, this guys job wasn't to put oil in the car as his hands were clean. He approached me with my old cabin air filter in hand, and asked me if I'd like it replaced. Normally, I replace my own cabin air filter, as it costs $20 from the store, and takes 5 minutes to complete; recently however, I haven't been able to find my model air filter in stock at any automotive store. I Asked Mr. Hard sell how much a replacement filter would be. He responded by saying, it was really cheap, so I said it would be fine for him to replace the filter, but to let me know the price before proceeding. He then said that my transmission fluid was dirty, and needed to be flushed. I told him I wasn't interested, as I could get my mechanic to do this for me. He continued to tell me that my car is in danger of failing due to the amount of shavings in my automatic transmission, and that the fluid needs to be changed regularly. Right then, I knew this guy was just full of crap. My car is a manual transmission. I told him I wasn't interested in anymore of his services. After an additional 2 minute lecture on transmission care, he finally left, only to return with the price of my cabin air filter. Hard Sell presented me with my old cabin filter and the new filter, and stated that the replacement and installation would be $100. Now, unless the mechanics are going to take the lady in the van next to me and perform a sex act on my hood while replacing the filter, there's no way I'm paying $100 to replace a $20 part. I stopped he guy and told him I wasn't interested as I normally change this part myself. Again, after a 2 minute lecture on the dangers of pollen creeping into my car through the vent, he sadly walked away, not making a single sale to me that day.

Revenge from the Lube people was swift. The oil change price jumped form $35 to $45 plus disposal and extra oil fees. My oil change came to $52. Almost double what I normally get charged at Meineke, and only $5 less than Ford's oil change.

The Lube Gods had defeated me that day. They were upset at the exchange I had with the Meineke people and felt that a Barrage of Mr. Lube Services and charges would weaken my will. in another 5,000 Kms, I will make my return to Meineke and hope to be in the good graces of the Lube gods.

Alexander Semin should stick to bitch talk

So, if the NHL was the Justice League of America, and the Washington Capitals were the equivalent of Gotham, Alex Ovechkin would be Batman and Alexander Semin would be Robin. Semin would be the sidekick to a super Hero. Almost like the Mexican guy in employee of the month the the weird nostril-blond guy. What I'm trying to say is that Semin is a Sidekick.

That being said, Semin, as a sidekick shouldn't be calling out other SuperHeroes of the NHL. A couple of months ago, Semin decided to put down Crosby Article Here. Soon after Semin bich talked Sidney Crosby, Sid the Kid decided to do some trash talking of his own.... On the Scoreboard. Crosby went on a tear to eventually lead the league in Points (Crosby now sits in 3rd place, while Semin sits in 44th).

Now here's where the story get juicy. A few days ago, Sid decided he'd throw the fisticuffs and didn't look too bad if you ignore the fact that his opponent didn't even see it coming. Video evidence Here.

Semin, not wanting to be out done decided he'd thro some fisticuffs. Unfortunately, he forgot that he doesn't know how to fight and punches like a baby reaching for a baba. Video evidence here.

The moral of this story is that if you're a suck ass sidekick, you Better keep your mouth shut and do the joib you're paid to do. Anything above that will make you stink like an underwater fart bubble.

PS> Doesn't Alexander Semin sound like "I Like Sandier Semen?" Really, WHo likes Sandy Semen?