In honour of Valentines, I have created a list of the sexiest songs I can think of. Please keep in mind that I do not have a degree in Sexy, nor do I claim to be Sexy.
In no particular order here they are.
Hey Pretty (Drive By Remix) – Poe
It’s a Mans Mans Mans World – James Brwn
Darling Nikki – Foo Fighters
Got You – Flys
Ooh La La – Goldfrapp
You can’t always get what you want – The Rolling Stones
Son of a Preacher Man – Carly Simon
The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game - Massive Attack With Tracey Thorn
Teardrop – Massive Attack
Glory Box – Portishead*
David Bowie – Thursday’s Child
Cowboy Junkies – Sweet Jane
Painted on My Heart - Cult
For that moment when it’s all done and over – A smile
Fuck Her Gently – Tenacious D
If you get laid while listening to one of these songs, please post a comment. We’d all like to know that at least some of my readers actually get laid :D
*Anything Portishead will do. Their albums are the bomb for Sexy!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Ulla the Eastern European Mouth Specialist
So, I had the privilege of going to the dentist yesterday. Normally, I am quite excited about my dental visits. Everyone is friendly, the cleanings take no more than 20 minutes, my dental hygienist is friendly & attractive, and the dental assistants are great!
This faithful day, my dentist managed to switch my dental hygienist with another…. Ulla…. Ulla’s miniature stature and fair complexion should not be taken lightly. The middle aged eastern European must have been trained in the KGB style of mouth torture and agony testing.
She started by instructing me to wear goggles. I’ve never worn goggles for any of my dental procedures. It wasn’t as if I was going to be shaping chunks of steel on a belt sander I was going in for what I believed was a simple cleaning.
Before even inspecting my teeth, Ulla began questioning my dental cleaning routine. I was told that I should brush more than 2-3 times a day, and that flossing once every other day is unacceptable. I agree, I should floss more and leave it at that. La Femme Ulla then continued to berate me on how bad hygiene causes strokes, bad breath and ulcers. I conceded and told her that although I don’t floss daily, all the dental professionals who inspect my mouth would agree that my teeth are in good shape and I take care of my pearly whites.
Hooray for me. She’s stopped lecturing me about gingivitis. The live action 50’s style guilt film is over… But then… Ulla the enforcer offers me some brochures and instructions on flossing. I interrupted her to assure her my teeth are fine. I attempted to bargain with her. “How about you take a look at my teeth before preparing any literature. I haven’t had any complaints to date”. Ulla Opens my mouth, only to find that Yes, me teeth are in great shape and actually quite clean. She compliments me on my teeth and begins to insert foreign objects into my mouth. In an effort to prove me wrong, Ulla manages to find a patch of plaque and decides to show me what plaque looks like. She pulls out a barber’s mirror and begins a double reflective view of my mouth. Ulla has trouble finding the plaque source, but manages to find it once again. She then lectures me on the affects of plaque build up once again. I thanked her and told her once again, that I understood her concerns and will make an effort to brush at least 3 times a day and floss daily. Obviously, she hears the annoyed tone in my voice and promises to stop lecturing me and will begin her lingual intrusion.
I won’t bore you with the details of my ordeal; however, Ulla managed to stick a dental tool up my nose and drew blood, then proceeded to poke my gums exactly 32 times, plus 3 scrapes. Following her dental swashbuckling, I was punched in the head while she tried to swing the chair around, soaked with pressurized water. And as the grand finale, she managed to get her leg caught in the mouth vacuum hose, jerking my head aside as she left the cleaning room to get the actual dentist.
Before leaving, Ulla had one other parting surprise. She had printed and laminated blurbs on gingivitis, tartar build up, and flossing techniques. The dental assassin placed the sheets on my lap and asked me to read them while she flagged down the professional.
Needless to say, I will never let that lady near my mouth ever again.
This faithful day, my dentist managed to switch my dental hygienist with another…. Ulla…. Ulla’s miniature stature and fair complexion should not be taken lightly. The middle aged eastern European must have been trained in the KGB style of mouth torture and agony testing.
She started by instructing me to wear goggles. I’ve never worn goggles for any of my dental procedures. It wasn’t as if I was going to be shaping chunks of steel on a belt sander I was going in for what I believed was a simple cleaning.
Before even inspecting my teeth, Ulla began questioning my dental cleaning routine. I was told that I should brush more than 2-3 times a day, and that flossing once every other day is unacceptable. I agree, I should floss more and leave it at that. La Femme Ulla then continued to berate me on how bad hygiene causes strokes, bad breath and ulcers. I conceded and told her that although I don’t floss daily, all the dental professionals who inspect my mouth would agree that my teeth are in good shape and I take care of my pearly whites.
Hooray for me. She’s stopped lecturing me about gingivitis. The live action 50’s style guilt film is over… But then… Ulla the enforcer offers me some brochures and instructions on flossing. I interrupted her to assure her my teeth are fine. I attempted to bargain with her. “How about you take a look at my teeth before preparing any literature. I haven’t had any complaints to date”. Ulla Opens my mouth, only to find that Yes, me teeth are in great shape and actually quite clean. She compliments me on my teeth and begins to insert foreign objects into my mouth. In an effort to prove me wrong, Ulla manages to find a patch of plaque and decides to show me what plaque looks like. She pulls out a barber’s mirror and begins a double reflective view of my mouth. Ulla has trouble finding the plaque source, but manages to find it once again. She then lectures me on the affects of plaque build up once again. I thanked her and told her once again, that I understood her concerns and will make an effort to brush at least 3 times a day and floss daily. Obviously, she hears the annoyed tone in my voice and promises to stop lecturing me and will begin her lingual intrusion.
I won’t bore you with the details of my ordeal; however, Ulla managed to stick a dental tool up my nose and drew blood, then proceeded to poke my gums exactly 32 times, plus 3 scrapes. Following her dental swashbuckling, I was punched in the head while she tried to swing the chair around, soaked with pressurized water. And as the grand finale, she managed to get her leg caught in the mouth vacuum hose, jerking my head aside as she left the cleaning room to get the actual dentist.
Before leaving, Ulla had one other parting surprise. She had printed and laminated blurbs on gingivitis, tartar build up, and flossing techniques. The dental assassin placed the sheets on my lap and asked me to read them while she flagged down the professional.
Needless to say, I will never let that lady near my mouth ever again.
Friday, February 02, 2007
So Many Haters out there.
This past couple of weeks, I’ve come across a few websites, posts, and groups focused on hating one thing or another. Whether it’s a sports team, automobile, religious view political party… The list goes on and on. I would really like to understand why people can’t embrace their own believe without putting down another.
As an example, I came across the “Mustangs suck, and a Honda can do more than a mustang”, and the “The Ottawa Senators Suck” groups. Albeit, the Senators may suck, Why create such a group? Why not focus on a joint admiration of all other teams, or a single team?
I just had to get this off my chest.
More recently, I was browsing a deals forum, when I came across a post for a $1 book. The book depicted the top 100 moments in Toronto Maple Leafs history. Unfortunately, 70% of the follow up posts detailed how much the Leafs suck. To mean, the Leafs sucking isn’t much of a deal, where as the book was an incredible deal. The flood of useless bashing really ruined the deal thread.
I am puzzled as to why people hate The Leafs, Mustangs, Political groups? Did a Mustang go out and kill one of their relatives and since then, they’ve felt the need to exact revenge on the automobile model? Was a Toronto Maple Leaf, the guy who created Global Warming? Maybe the entire Liberal party of Canada threw sand in the hater’s eyes when they were young? I am at a loss as to why people hate another group, team or inanimate object. How really can someone hate an inanimate object?
As an example, I came across the “Mustangs suck, and a Honda can do more than a mustang”, and the “The Ottawa Senators Suck” groups. Albeit, the Senators may suck, Why create such a group? Why not focus on a joint admiration of all other teams, or a single team?
I just had to get this off my chest.
More recently, I was browsing a deals forum, when I came across a post for a $1 book. The book depicted the top 100 moments in Toronto Maple Leafs history. Unfortunately, 70% of the follow up posts detailed how much the Leafs suck. To mean, the Leafs sucking isn’t much of a deal, where as the book was an incredible deal. The flood of useless bashing really ruined the deal thread.
I am puzzled as to why people hate The Leafs, Mustangs, Political groups? Did a Mustang go out and kill one of their relatives and since then, they’ve felt the need to exact revenge on the automobile model? Was a Toronto Maple Leaf, the guy who created Global Warming? Maybe the entire Liberal party of Canada threw sand in the hater’s eyes when they were young? I am at a loss as to why people hate another group, team or inanimate object. How really can someone hate an inanimate object?
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