Alexander Semin should stick to bitch talk

So, if the NHL was the Justice League of America, and the Washington Capitals were the equivalent of Gotham, Alex Ovechkin would be Batman and Alexander Semin would be Robin. Semin would be the sidekick to a super Hero. Almost like the Mexican guy in employee of the month the the weird nostril-blond guy. What I'm trying to say is that Semin is a Sidekick.

That being said, Semin, as a sidekick shouldn't be calling out other SuperHeroes of the NHL. A couple of months ago, Semin decided to put down Crosby Article Here. Soon after Semin bich talked Sidney Crosby, Sid the Kid decided to do some trash talking of his own.... On the Scoreboard. Crosby went on a tear to eventually lead the league in Points (Crosby now sits in 3rd place, while Semin sits in 44th).

Now here's where the story get juicy. A few days ago, Sid decided he'd throw the fisticuffs and didn't look too bad if you ignore the fact that his opponent didn't even see it coming. Video evidence Here.

Semin, not wanting to be out done decided he'd thro some fisticuffs. Unfortunately, he forgot that he doesn't know how to fight and punches like a baby reaching for a baba. Video evidence here.

The moral of this story is that if you're a suck ass sidekick, you Better keep your mouth shut and do the joib you're paid to do. Anything above that will make you stink like an underwater fart bubble.

PS> Doesn't Alexander Semin sound like "I Like Sandier Semen?" Really, WHo likes Sandy Semen?

Hits are hits are hits - Keep your head up McAmmond!

Ok, Now I know I'm going to get blasted by some Sens fans for this but really, what else should I expect.

The Hit from Steve Downie on Dean McAmmond although it was a charging penalty, it should be nothing more.

Yes, it looked bad in the replay. Yes he did leave his feet AFTER the hit. Yes, it was unneeded. Here's my take on it.

If we can recall a hit that Chris Neil laid on Chris Drury last Feb. Neil threw a late hit on Drury. The hit was a shoulder to face hit, with the EXACT same time between pass and hit as the Dean McAmmond hit. The only differnce is that Drury didn't jump after the hit. IF you've forgot it. I'll embed it here:



Ok, now let's review the Steve Downie hit on McAmmond.



Now I'm just being fair here. But really. He shouldn't have admired his pass. Sundin get toasted like that every time he swoops around the net. He's learned to keep his head up. The injury to the player shouldn't dictate the severity of the punishment either. If you watch the full clip. there's about 4 Sens players who fall on McAmmond after he's on the ice. I'm sure that didn't help anything.

Bob McKenzie agrees with me too.
http://www.tsn.ca/blogs/mckenzie/?id=219220

Ray Emery Can’t Drive!

In less than 4 months, Ray Emery has gotten into two automobile altercations for cutting off other drivers.

Now, today’s topic marries some of my favourite things: Sports, Driving, and Gossip, so I found it difficult to not make a comment.

There’s really nothing too special about this issue. What I’m amazed with is the fan/opponent reaction.

Recently, Ray Emery had a road altercation with an elderly driver where he drove the driver off the road and threatened bodily harm. The Ottawa police are not charging him for this incident. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20070908.SENS08/TPStory/Sports

Now, from this article, it seems as if neither party was at fault, however Ray Emery intentionally drove a fellow motorist off the road in order to make them aware of their driving faux-pas. What’s more is that Ray verbally assaulted the elderly motorist and threatened bodily harm.

Maybe I’m naïve, but I would think that forcing another motorist off the road, then verbally assaulting and threatening bodily harm to the other motorist would result in some criminal prosecution. I guess I’m wrong here, as the Ottawa police do not wish to charge the Star net minder.

The following link details the story in a slightly different light. What’s more is that the fans and anti-fans get to have their say in who’s guilty without actually witnessing the event.
http://www2.sportsnet.ca/blogs/hockey_hearsay/2007/09/07/road_rage_hits_rayzor/#comments

If I were a betting man, I’d put my money on the pattern. Seeing as how A) Emery has had some driving issues in the past (where he was found guilty), and B) Rayzor#2 has been known to freak out, I would guess that the second article is an accurate depiction of the happenings. Albeit the aged have their set of challenges behind the wheel, the issue for me isn’t the cut off, as I’ve been cut off hundreds of times and never forced another car off the road to confront them with their driving incompetence. My issue is with the lack of decorum of this NHL superstar, and his favoured treatment.

Regardless of the at-fault party of the initial automobile altercation, these types of road rage actions should be recognized and disciplined without favouritism or bias.

If Ray Emery ever brings himself across my blog, I’ve included a test to determine one’s susceptibility to road rage. http://www.peelpolice.on.ca/Crime%20Prevention/PSAP/ecms.aspx/$prp/pdf-files/crime%20prevention/RoadRage.pdf


Mr. Emery. As a fellow driver I implore you to drive more cautiously and with greater respect for fellow drivers. Accidents happen and you should know. You were at fault for the May Accident. I really don't care who you are. I hale little tolerance for road rage and bad drivers.

Out with the old and in with the new

The Ottawa Senators have updated their logo in hopes of shedding their patchy past for a bolder future. I for one commend the Ottawa franchise.
The New logo offers sharper bolder lines and the following upgrades:
-No longer will the logo have a COCK-EYED mascot. Yeah, you heard me. I said cock-eyed. The Team spokesperson described the new Senator mascot as “Focused”
- The cape is much more defined and no longer tattered. The cape also hangs over both shoulders. Now if you ask me, there’s only two people in the world who can get away with capes and the O-Sens mascots isn’t one of them. 1) Superman. 2) Count Chocula.
-Flesh tones were removed to give a more menacing appearance. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m afraid of Albinos too. They hit this nail on the head with this one. Albinos = Freeky
- The Plume and the Helmet have become better defined. Nothing says limp wristed pansy like disorganized plume. Shit, I straighten my plume daily.
-The New Senator’s chin is more defined and larger. I think I can speak for all us bum chinned people when I say you missed the boat on this one. Nothing says mean like a good ‘ol bum chin. Having a bum chin is like flashing the world the moon every day. This is why I smile.

Overall, I’d have to say I like this logo much better than their past logo endeavours. I’d like to close-off by saying that when I play hockey I am less intimidated by the jersey than I am by the player. So, it’s nice to get a meaner jersey, but so long as you keep filling the sweaters with the likes of Alfredsson, Vermette, Fisher and Heatley you’re not going to create the aura of a mean team. Honestly, these guys don’t look like stone cold killers. Oh wait… Scratch Heatley off that list. ZZZZing!

Old Logo on the Top, New Logo on the bottom

Kreskin has been born into me

Kreskin has arrived!

Yes, it’s true I do posses a smidgen of Psychic ability, but my latest prediction was one of my crowning achievements.

Let me preface thy latest prediction with some of my more notable predictions.

Maggie Simpson Shot Mr. Burns. I pulled this way back cliff-hanger from my ass. I knew it would have to either be Mr. Burns’ shadow or Maggie. Since the Shadow couldn’t hold a gun, the Shadow was the obvious dummy choice. Maggie’s Cool blue stare at the baby with the one-eyebrow sealed the deal for me.

Mayor Hazel McCallion would win the 2003. With Stiff competition from Masoon Khan, Charles Coober, Larry J Mancini (Or J-Bird as his friends call him), and Dyal Chanderpaul, McCallion squeaked by with 92% of the votes.

My latest prediction was that the Ottawa Senators would lose to the Anaheim Ducks in 5 games. I stand here before you, the all knowing king of predictions.

Since you’re eager to fill your baskets of knowledge with some of my predictions I will forecast some of my latest predictions. Please remember that my predictions are to be used only as humour and not to be used for betting or wagering.

1) Someone will invent a cure for stupidity and I will have to stop writing these notes
2) Mayor McCheese will be involved in a controversial Legal battle, but will get off on a technicality
3) Paris Hilton will one day have her Vagina surgically shut
4) The Leafs will win the Stanley Cub before the Senators ever will

Top 10 reasons why you shouldn’t cheer for the Ottawa Senators this Playoff Run

10) You’re condoning failure
The Senators toiled in the bottom of the division for 10 years of their 16 year existence. Not only do they hold the record for the worst season ever by an NHL franchise, the NHL initiated a draft lottery because they monopolized the first pick by tanking year after year in order to garner the best draft selection.

9) The team has a history of Whiney players
Alexandre Daigle, Alexi Yashin, and Jason Spezza have all demanded trades from losing teams to be traded to better teams. I don’t know but really, isn’t a contract a two way agreement??? Shouldn’t you understand you’re signing with a crappy team when you sign the initial contract. Ever hear of sucking it up and taking it like a man?? This brings me to my next point

8) The team had to get support from the Canadian government to escape bankruptcy
I would have much rather given funding to the Nords or the Jets over the Sens. Why do you ask?? Well, when the Sens filed for bankruptcy protection nobody cared. They had the poorest attendance in the league and their fan base was non-existant. The Nords had a great fan base, as did the jets, but their market was too small. Much like Ottawa.

7) Sens fans are primarily composed of ex-leaf fans who jumped the bandwagon. It’s true. Once a Leaf fan, now a Sens fan is quite a common switch. To me it would be like going from straight to gay. NOTE: There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I know plenty of gay people who aren’t Sens fans

6) Ontario Premier Daulton McGuinty likes them
This guy looks like he could confuse a hockey puck with a basketball. What’s he doing backing a hockey team. I’m sure if you asked him who the Senator’s captain was he’d reply “Mayor McCheese”

5) They have a tough time selling out playoff seat
Are you kidding me?? A team makes the playoffs and their seats aren’t gobbled up by fans and scalpers? What more does this team need to do to get the home crowd to buy tickets?? Maybe they should give free autographed posters of Daulton McGuinty with every ticket purchase. With a team comprised of first round picks and government funding, how can you go wrong?? It’s not like you’re paying the high prices leaf fans have to pay to watch the home team. Come one fans!! Have some pride.

4) They’re proven Chokers
Yeah, I know they’ve made it pretty far this year, but really. Based on history, if you were to place money on the Sens right now, you’d have better odds betting on Webster if he were to fight Mike Tyson. Yeah, I called him Webster and not Emanuel Lewis.

3) Their logo isn’t fitting of today’s Senators
Yeah, we don’t even call them senators. Why does the team logo depict someone who’s going in to fight. Please tell me the last time a Politicial suited up and joined the army in a fight. They’d be better off having a photo of Steven Harper eating a cheeseburger while winking and making a gun symbol with his hand. Their logo is as far from a senator as the Sabres logo is from a Bison. On a side note, the Sabres new logo looks like a cross between a retarded sperm and an upside down Nike symbol with eyes.

2) The Post-game workout interview
Hey, I know you’re fit. I know you exercise 10 hours a day. Take a rest. It’s after the game. The post-game workout interview is about as inappropriate as jerking off after getting a blow job. HEY, it’s over. Time to relax.

1) You should already be a Leaf fan
Yeah, I had to throw this one in there. Ok, but really, if there ever was a team this year that got away with more cheap shots I’d be surprised. Let me explain. Emery’s Slash to the face of Laperier, Neil’s hit to Drudy… The list continues. For some reason Colin Campbell has a hard on for letting this team off the hook. I don’t know why. Maybe Muckler is good with the pocket pool.

John Ferguson Jr. Must be released for the Leafs to have a chance at success.

I seriously doubt that MLSE brass would actually read my blog, but in the rare hope that they do, please take my advice, and fire JFJ. Before you go ahead and dismiss my request, please read on and you’ll soon discover that although the current GM has made some wise decisions, they are far overshadowed by his gaffs and misses. Nevertheless, I do believe that maybe one day, JFJ will be a great GM, the Leafs fan base cannot sit idly by and support a developing GM.

It has been close to four years since JFJ was hired as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs on Aug 29, 2003. During that 4 years, the Leafs have fallen from a playoff favourite to a post-season phantom. JFJ’s tenure and timing could not have been set-up any better. With the aid of a lockout, JFJ had the opportunity to mould the roster into anything he wanted. The Lock-out afforded him the time to wait out any heavy contracts signed by the previous GM as well as pick from a two year pool of unrestricted free agents. His actions and decisions did little to improve the organization. A list of noteworthy signings and gaffs would include the overpayment and signing of Pavel Kubina, Bryan McCabe, Jason Allison, Jeff O’Neil and Aki Berg. Although I do believe that both McCabe and Kubina are assets to the team, the price paid and sacrifice of money in a salary capped league restricts the potential signing of other players. Signing Tough guy Tie Domi to a 2.5 Million contract was quite the head scratcher. With the likes of Ben Ondrus and Wade Belak to take the reins as the team’s heavy fists, what would be the use in re-signing Tie Domi, only to have him retire the following year?

One of the most frustrating inactions of JFJ is his inability to make a marquee decision or trade. Two trade deadlines have come and gone during his tenure and he has failed to make a significant move at either season-changing point. His ability to straddle the fence and not make a season altering decision is only overshadowed by his signing of former Toronto Maple Leafs (al la Luke Richardson, Drake Berehowsky, Travis Green, Yannic Perrault). Two straight trade deadlines and twice, JFJ was faced with the decision to improve the team and make a legitimate run at the playoffs, or to give up on the season and deal out the that summer’s free agents for draft picks or future talent. The repercussions of throwing in a season at the February trade-deadline would normally be a possible dip in ticket sales or season ticket holders however, the ACC is sold out every game, and season tickets will still sell no matter how poorly the team does, as proven by the Harold Ballard years.

MLSE, please take my advice, pick up a “Byan Colangelo” for the Toronto Maple leafs. As you did with the Raptors, drop the Rookie GM, and pick someone with experience who can turn the team around.

Please! Bring us a team that will not only beat the Senators in the Playoffs, but also in the Regular Season.

Until then.... Go Sens Go??