Bathroom Hijacked by a Toilet Jockey

Maybe it's me, but I can't stand having Bathroom attendants in Club/Bars. The other night, I went to Failte Irish pub in Mississauga, only to find that as I relieved myself in their facilities, I was being watched by a panhandler with soap.

Yes, I was the victim of a bathroom hijacking.

I don't feel the need to pay someone for services I can render on my own. I do not need someone dispensing soap or a towel for me, when I'm perfectly capable of doing so on my own. Failte Irish pub featured a toilet jockey who not only blocked the entrance of a tiny bathroom, but also removed the paper towel from the paper towel dispenser, leaving those of us who like to wash and DRY our own hands, paying for these normally free services. What'smore, the Bathroom at Failte was pretty filthy. The Bathroom attendant paid no attention to the scraps of paper discarded on the floor, nor was he concerned with the urine pool that led from the stall to the frond door. As small as the Failte Men's bathrrom is, the addition of a working body that does nothing but panhandle and take up space is absolutely foolish.

There seems to be no real need for bathroom attendants in Bars & Clubs, except to find other ways of gouging patrons. I don't feel the need to pray on their selection of designer imposter colognes, nor do I need to use deodorant that a stranger has applied before me. I feel that if I'm going to have someone watch me use the urinal, he should be paying me for his perverted pleasure.

I know I've spoken about this topic before, but really, something has to be said for these "Services" and the right of refusal in bars and clubs.

Why don't you Smoke the Cheese off my Dick?

I'd like to preface this rant by saying that it is in no way directed at my friends or acquaintances who smoke. Every time I've ever seen them lite up, it was always in the designated puff zones. That being said. This message is directed to those people who choose to ignore the designated smoking areas.


I am an asthmatic and have recently had some minor breathing complications. I don't blame smoking or smokers for this, but their presences does not aid my situation. When designated smoking areas and new smoking rules were heightened a few years back, I was extremely pleased. No longer would I have to come home smelling like smoke when I left a Bar. No longe would I have to walk through a cloud of smoke as I walked into school or the mall.

Unfortunately, many people believe these rules are a nuisance and a hindrance to their personal liberties, and freedom to smoke. These smoking bylaws were created to protect people who do not smoke, do not like smoke, are allergic to smoke or may have health conditions that are exasperated by smoke. It's too bad that the few ignorant smokers who do not obey the signs and rules infringe upon the space of others.

Thursday (unlike most days of the week), I had the pleasure of walking through a wall of smoke as I entered my office building. Although the property management has clearly posted signs noting the designated and prohibited smoking areas, some smokers feel they can ignore the rules and light-up anywhere they please. I don't understand why this type of behavior is tolerated.

A few years ago, I was a patron at a Night club, where the DJ and management decided to announce that the Smoking By-Law would not be enforced at their establishment. As soon as the announcement was made, hundreds of Club patrons lit up and filled the Club with smoke. Since I couldn't handle the reek of smoke, I decided to leave. Before I left, I spoke with the on-site manager and asked for a coat check refund and a cover-charge refund. The manager declined, and I left the Bar. The following day, I called the region of Peel's Smoking Task Force and lodged a formal complaint. One week later, I was called by the city representative to inform me that they had conducted an under cover investigation and found the Club to be in contradiction of the region's smoking By-Laws. Victory was mine and I was sure that my concerned citizen approach would have resulted in a financial penalty to the Evil Club. Much to my surprise, the city representative informed me that although the rules were being broken and the management and staff were doing nothing to enforce the by-law, the city chose to let them off with a warning as there wasn't enough rules being broken. To me it appears that the city's bark is bigger than its bite. I guess the next time I feel like breaking the law, I should only break a few and I'll get off with a warning instead of being charged.

Getting back to the earlier story of me walking through the wall of smoke at my office, I have very little motivation to contact the building management when smoking by-laws are being broken. Instead, I will take the fight fire with fire method. I know that there's designated washrooms, but I could choose to ignore them. If I whipped it out and started pissing at the entrance of my office, I am sure someone would call the police. So why is it that we tolerate smokers who smoke in designated non-smoking areas? What's the worst my public urination would do? Maybe if it's cold, my pee would freeze and someone may slip on it. The frozen pee scenario is quite a long shot, while the negative affects of second hand smoke are proven.

Now, I assure you that I do not plan on dropping trow and peeing, or dropping a deuce out front of my office entrance. I just want people to recognize how smoking is tolerated more-so than most other social faux-pas.