Did I dodge a bullet or miss the bullet train?

While shopping for my older sisters Birthday gift (she’s a Christmas baby), I ran into an Ex girlfriend. Now, while this may not sound too strange, let me give you a little bit of history.

History:

She was my first ever girlfriend. We started dating in college, and maintained a relationship that lasted two years. I say “maintained” because by the end of it seemed like we were going through the motions of a normal relationship. Things were pretty much middle of the road. Aside from the usual couple’s spats, nothing significant happened. I eventually ended the relationship, hoping to find something more interesting, something less normal, something more me. That didn’t sit well with her, and we have never talked since. I saw her in the mall a couple of years ago. When I approached her to say hi, she took off with her mother and husband in hand.

So, I bring myself back to yesterday. While shopping for a gift, I saw her in the mall with her husband, child in carriage and another one on the way. For a moment there, I dodged a bullet. The baby bullet. I knew she wanted to settle down and that wasn’t for me at that time. I was 23, had only had one girlfriend and was just starting my college social life. I couldn’t be tied down, and wasn’t about to go out and have fun behind her back. So I cut loose and let her on her way.

The sight of her with baby caused me to think about all my past relationships, and to wonder what they’re up to now. I’m not going to go out on a “High Fidelity” inspired Ex hunt, but I do wonder what else I dodged. I believe that all my past relationships ended for good reason. Whether it was her infidelity, my blasé, or not wanting to be with the most miserable person alive, I have decided to end three quarter of my relationships. I initiated the break up in 3 of 4.

So, am I being too picky, or is it a matter of not wanting to settle? I prefer to think that I just don’t want to settle. It’s really not fair to either party involved. My friends tend tot think I’m being too picky. But that’s only based on my history. There’s really no truth behind it. They tend to pint out the fact that I stopped dating people for the following reasons: Looked like a cat, smelled like sausage, didn’t have a job or car, was a drug dealer, was too old, was too young…

To me, these are just dates. They’re not relationships, and I believe that all the past relationships ended for good reason. Albeit I’ve only had 4 serious relationship, they all started with good intentions and ended honestly and for very good reasons.

I really do think that back when I broke up with my first girlfriend, I did dodge a bullet. However, it does bring something to light. I think I’ve come to the point in my life where I probably want to start looking for a serious relationship again, but really don’t want it to cause me to settle.