Crap I found on eBay

Seeing as how it's May, the sun is out and perfect Garage Sale weather, I decided to brows the world's largest garage sale for some of the more ridiculous items on sale this week. In no specific order here They Are:

#1 - World's Largest Untreated Sapphire
Yes for only pocket change, you can purchase this "Museum Grade" Gemstone. The price tage is a mere $1.5 Million. Nothing says "High Class Trailer Park" like a giant useless gem. You'd think the Seller "browny55" would be selling petrified animal dung instead of priceless giant gemstones.



#2 - Fetus Chips
This item, listed as an Alien-Fetus Chip looks more like Quatto from Total Recall. Maybe it's just me, but if there's something that looks like this growing inside you, please get it checked out.


#3 - Fried Penis
Mental note, Never go to Frumby Joe's in Johannesburg Missouri. It appears that the line cooks are castrating themselves, frying up the junk and selling it off as cauliflower. IT kind of freaks me out that they call it "Manhood". I think they'd have gotten more than 2 hits in a week if they called it Dude Sausage, tube steak, wang, tally whacker, pecker, dork, or any of the other countless names for a penis.



#4 - Online Spells at 10% off!
Brace yourself! You too can cast spells to shine like a star. But wait, there's more if you order TODAY only, we'll discount the price by 10%. Not satisfied? Check out their 100% feedback rating. Still not convinced? If you're not completely satisfied by the spell, you're guaranteed your money back! Buy this Magic Haunted Super Stone and you'll Shine like a star. If I were the Government, I would think that selling stones that make you Glow would be against the Law. The only stones I know of that can make you glow (With a side effect of burning urination), is Plutonium. Could it be that eBay is the new black market for radioactive plutonium?



#5 - Mormon advice - Red this lady's issues
I was at home the other day and thought to myself "Hey, Wouldn't it be great if there were someone I could call for Mormonly advice?" My Prayers were answered this morning. I found an unaccredited Mormon advice service through eBay. Take That Jo Jo's Defunkt Psychial Alliance! A few questions come to mind. 1) Why can't you just ask your mormon priest for advice? 2) Why is there a child with sunglasses as the listing photo? 3) How can you be a recovering Porn Addict, and not know if you're clean? Is there a healthy amount of porn? Actually, is there an unhealthy amount of porn? 4) Lady Kataana sounds like a wicked Porn name. I'm writing a porn about a poly amourous mother of 2 who needs to overcome her additions to smoking porn and stiff Manhoods. Are you looking for a job?



#6 - Dork Dominance Cock Pump
Have you ever felt like your manhood isn't long and skinny enough? Me too. Well, I came across this Gem and would be crazy not to buy it for the bargain basement price of $170. No longer will I be looked down upon in the shower. I will soon be able to hold my head up high through the excruciating pain of having my shaft pulled clear from the shaft socket. I had braces for 4 years, and if this schlong stretcher (which works on the same principles) is anything like my braces, I pity the man who buys this. Medical note: Do not mix this device with 4X Male Enhancement pills. You're liable to snap the brace off and seriously injure bystanders with penis enhancing shrapnel.