Where did we go wrong?

So, I thought it would be funny to list some of my more memorable date/relationship occurrences I’ve encountered over my “dating life” up to this point. Some people may able to relate, while others may be able to pick themselves out of this list. Please enjoy the list and take no offense, as it’s all in good fun. Relatives and people who think highly of me may not want to read any further.

-You thought I sculpted my “John Travolta” chin with my fingers each night
-I don’t want to date you. You’re a Drug Dealer.
-You were upset when I made you breakfast in bed because I woke you up when I washed your dishes
-You need to drive too sometimes
-You didn’t know the meaning of “Stop Short” or “Cop a Feel”
-You are married??
-You took Valium on our second date and couldn’t walk on your own
-You drip slobber on my chin when we kiss
-You never drove, and made me drive to the club on my birthday
-Your cousin made us late because she wanted to have sex in a field
-Your Ex came up in conversation far too much
-I’m sure we both like oral, so please, return the favour
-You never introduced me to your family… even after two years
-Your best friend thinks you’re insane… See the third point
-I was scared of your driving
-Let’s talk about me sometimes
-It’s ok to smile once in a while… some people actually think I’m funny.
-Don’t set me up on a blind date if the only photo you have is 10 years out of date – A lot can change in 10 years
-You didn’t buy me a drink after I caught your pick pocket
-You’re not fun to sleep with
-You get too drunk to do anything - every night
-You talk like a farmer
-Silence is not always golden it’s ok to be loud sometimes
-Quit staring at me – it creeps me out
-When I go down, I have no choice but to swallow, how about you take one for the team
-Harry Potter sucks more than you think it does
-You always smell like cold cuts
-I found a used condom in your room – It wasn’t mine
-It’s ok to pick up the bill once in a while
-I don’t like breast milk
-You really should warn people where you apply your numbing gel. I was liable to bite off my tongue
-I’m not your muse.
-Your cats make the house smell like crap
-I know it was you! I know it was you! There’s only two of us in the car, and it wasn’t me